Parenthood is a special time but also a period of huge change, with great joy as well as challenges. We speak to several NCT members who tell us about their experiences so far.
We support all parents who are on this journey – from when they discover they are expecting a baby right up to their child’s second birthday. We do this through our antenatal, postnatal and parent classes, our local branches, free information from our website and helpline, and by campaigning for changes to make life easier for parents of young children.
Susie Hill (pictured) is expecting her first baby in May and she’s a member of Marlborough NCT branch
‘I love feeling my baby move – it really makes me smile and laugh out loud – and I’m so excited about meeting him and seeing what he looks like.
‘My body shape has changed more than I could imagine. I also wasn’t aware of all the random aches and pains which go along with pregnancy. I thought that would only happen right at the end. Growing a baby is very tiring! How other women manage to struggle through while working and raising other children when sickness and headaches strike out of the blue is beyond me.
‘I’m hoping to make some new friends when I start my NCT antenatal class. I also volunteer with my local branch and I’m First Aid Co-ordinator. I wanted to do this as I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to have children of my own after trying for more than 10 years and I wanted to help other families.
I’ve already become friendly with a few of the other volunteers. And I’m hoping to get some bargains at the next Nearly New Sale where I’ll be promoting the First Aid course too.
Everyone will have an opinion, but it doesn’t mean we are going to do what they say!
‘I feel it’s down to me and my partner to decide how we’ll handle things. I take on other people’s advice and, even if I don’t agree with them, I listen politely. I’m sure everyone will have an opinion, but it doesn’t mean we are going to do what they say! I’m going to wait and play it by ear and see how we get on.
‘There are a few daunting things though. I’m hoping we’ll be able to enjoy our baby at the same time as dealing with all the sleepless nights and my changing hormones. I’m also hoping breastfeeding will come easily and that our NCT antenatal course will help with this.’
We know there’s lots to think about during pregnancy. Many women will be focused on the birth as well as coping with pregnancy ailments and changes to their body. Many parents will also be considering their finances, maternity and paternity leave.
On top of this, it can be an emotional time, sometimes with a mix of surprise, joy or worry. We’re here to share your concerns from the moment you find out you’re expecting, providing you with information, antenatal courses and support to help you have the best start for you, your baby and your family.
Steve Middleweek (pictured) is dad to Leo, now five months, and a member of Woking NCT branch
‘I think we’ve adjusted well to having a newborn baby and enjoyed the experience. People make it sound very scary by saying you get no sleep and it turns your life upside down (which it does!) but my wife and I found a system early on that works for us.
Generally I sleep in a different room and, when I’m working a late shift or have a day off, I look after Leo in the morning so Katie can get extra sleep. Leo has made it easier for us as he is a content baby and only really cries when he’s hungry. Saying all this we have had our stresses.
Leo started off in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as he had trouble breathing, which was scary and upsetting, and Katie had to have an operation to remove the placenta.
This made it a more traumatic experience than most. It’s hard not to worry, but we agreed to stay positive.
It was amazing when we got our first smiles because we put so much work into caring for him and that makes it all worthwhile.
‘As a dad it can be easy to be overwhelmed as you’re trying to work full-time and fit in the new responsibilities and most of the support is set up for mums. Having said that, our NCT course was useful and gave some good tips on the early days.
I think as long as you are relatively well read and quite practical, you should be fine. Katie has taken things in her stride and appreciating that each of you is working hard helps avoid arguments.
‘There was a lot of pressure to breastfeed, but Katie wasn’t able to due to the traumatic birth. It was disappointing at first as you worry your child is going to be at a disadvantage. However, at the same time, part of the reason it has gone well for us is the fact that I get to feed Leo, which takes the pressure off Katie.
‘It’s an exciting time as Leo‘s constantly changing. We’re looking forward to when Leo can be more interactive, play with toys and give us more feedback.’
The transition to life with a newborn can feel like a big learning curve. There’s baby’s sleeping, feeding and crying to adjust to – while mums might be trying to recover physically from the birth, dads will be adapting to a new role, and both parents will probably be trying to cope with lack of sleep and changes to their relationship.
Remember you’re not on your own. Lots of other parents will be experiencing the same challenges as they find their feet as new parents. We want you to feel confident in your abilities and decisions in the early weeks and months.
Maree Edgar (pictured) is mum to Rebecca, now one, and member of York NCT branch
‘It’s amazing how quickly Rebecca has changed from a baby to being fiercely independent. She wants to dress and feed herself and she hates the pushchair. Seeing her personality develop and watching her grow is great. It’s totally unconditional love and that’s very special.
I think becoming a mum has made me focus on what really matters to me and that’s my family.
‘A big challenge for me was returning to work and I was stressed about how Rebecca and I would cope. We hadn’t spent a day apart since she was born. But settling in days at nursery helped put my mind at rest. She enjoys it and I love seeing her interact with other children.
I also worried about how I’d continue to breastfeed (my job isn’t office based so there’s nowhere for me to express). But we came up with our own routine, led by Rebecca, where she has water during the day and milk when I get home.
I think becoming a mum has made me focus on what really matters to me and that’s my family. Work and career are still important, but not my number one priority.
Only you know what’s right for you and your family and listening to others can either give you support or worry you.
‘My partner Dan changed his shifts so Rebecca was only at nursery for half days. He says that, although it’s tiring being up so early, it’s been great for Rebecca and him to have time to themselves without mum around! He feels their bond is much stronger now.
‘I think everyone has an opinion about parenting. At the moment I’m getting a lot of “you’re still breastfeeding” and “she’s not in her own bed” comments, but I just say it suits us and we’re happy.
Only you know what’s right for you and your family and listening to others can either give you support or worry you. Having a good circle of like-minded friends who don’t judge you is important.‘
The next stage is a bit scary – the terrible twos if that exists – but I am excited to watch her development. She’s already walking and copying words we say.
Parenthood is a million times better than I thought it’d be. It’s hard to put into words how much Rebecca has changed our lives. It’s not all rosy, but even on the darkest day when you’ve only had an hour’s sleep you still have something so special.’
As your baby grows, there will be many milestones to look forward to, such as their first steps, first tastes and first words. Many parents will be focused on their child’s development, how to support them and make sure they are healthy, happy and safe.
Returning to work and childcare may also be on your mind. We have lots of information to help you make the right decisions for your family.
You could also call our helpline for practical and emotional support in many areas of parenthood: 0300 330 0700.
Caroline Middleton (pictured) is mum to Austin, two, and member of Horsham NCT branch
‘The highlights of life with a two-year-old are hearing them tell you they love you for the first time unprompted and being able to have a conversation and ask what is wrong rather than just guess.
My husband, Peter, says he is feeling more involved now because the early days were about eating and sleeping, which was focused around me breastfeeding, but now they can do things together and Austin interacts more.
‘I went to an NCT antenatal course and met good friends there who’ve helped immensely with middle of the night emails and knowing you’re not alone.
I called NCT’s Helpline at one low point when everyone was telling me I needed to stop breastfeeding Austin to sleep so he’d self-settle. The lady I spoke to was so kind and helpful and could empathise with my situation. She told me exactly what I needed to hear at the time – to trust my instincts and do what feels right.
The biggest change over the past year is the mobility.
‘One of the recent challenges has been potty training. My son has been showing signs he’s ready for a while. We read books and talk about the potty and we’ve had some successes, but we can’t seem to make the final transition to full-time pants. One day that will change but I’m just going at his pace for the moment.
‘The biggest change over the past year is the mobility. When he was younger I could put him in a safe place for a few minutes and he wouldn’t move. Now he can run, jump and open doors, which comes with a new set of challenges.
‘I think being a parent to a toddler is much harder than I imagined. I didn’t think about the physical side of things – like lifting him in and out of the car and carrying him upstairs – and his ability to hurt me, albeit accidentally.
My tip for other parents is to offer two choices. My son’s favourite word is “no” so I try and avoid yes/no questions. That way it builds his confidence and saves my sanity. It doesn’t always work – sometimes the answer is still no.
‘In terms of the future, we’re looking forward to Austin’s language developing even more, finishing potty training and being able to bake together with more success! We’re also planning for our next baby. My biggest concern is managing naps – sometimes I fell asleep next to Austin after breastfeeding – which is a luxury I won’t have second time around.’
As your baby becomes a toddler, parents might be thinking about their development and issues such as behaviour, tantrums and toilet training. Many parents will also be juggling work and financial pressures as well as perhaps thinking of another baby.
We know that the first two years with your baby can be really demanding, particularly for those experiencing parenthood for the first time. We want to make a positive difference to all parents in their First 1,000 Days. We hope you feel we make that difference to you in your journey.
